DEAR HARRIETTE: I have not gotten along with my husband well for years.
I often think about ending our marriage, but then I look at my single friends of a certain age and see that all they talk about is wanting to find a man.
I am at a loss for how to make my marriage more fulfilling. At the same time, I don’t want to be alone and lonely.
Do I stay to avoid my friends’ situation? What can I do to get my marriage on course?
— Frustrated
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Figure out what you want and need in your marriage.
Review your life today, and identify what you believe would make you happy if things could change. Be as specific as possible. Then talk to your husband.
Explain to him how you have been feeling and what you believe is missing in your marriage. Tell him you don’t want to live like you do now and that you do want to reinvigorate your life together. Ask him what he thinks and what would make him happier. Check in to learn about his state of mind.
You may be surprised to learn that he doesn’t share your view. Wherever he is, let him know where you are. Ask him if you can work together to revitalize your bond.
If you can both put effort into your marriage, there is a chance to give it new life. Make a concerted effort with him before walking out the door.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband smokes weed pretty much every day.
During the pandemic, he got to the point of smoking all day long from before sunrise until going to sleep. We were all at home then, and it was infuriating to have to smell smoke while I was working in the other room.
Fast forward to several years later, and the trend hasn’t changed much. He works intermittently, and I now work from home full time. He still smokes nonstop. No matter what I say, he continues.
I have asked him not to smoke during office hours. He balks and tells me I shouldn’t be working at home anyway. He says this is his house, and he can do what he wants.
Where are my rights in this? I cannot stand that my house constantly smells like weed. No candle or air freshener takes the smell out, either.
What can I do?
— Weed Invasion
DEAR WEED INVASION: You are facing at least two serious issues: addiction and disrespect.
Have a serious talk with your husband. Ask him why he smokes so much. Why does he need to smoke before sunrise? What’s going on with him?
Tell him how his smoking affects you. Ask him to respect you and your time by not smoking when you are working.
Since you live in a shared space, you would like to make mutually agreed-upon hours for certain activities, especially smoking. Reiterate that this is important to you, and it feels blatantly disrespectful when he ignores you.
Know, however, that he may not be able to stop. While some say that weed is not addictive, his behavior says otherwise. You may have to decide what you will do if he won’t stop.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
