DEAR ABBY: I recently married an old high school flame after 30 years apart. Since we are both in our 50s, we wanted a low-key ceremony — no wedding, no fuss, just us, madly in love and doing our thing.
My older sister, the only person we told, begged me to be included — “At least let me sign as witness. At least let me bring a cake. At least let me do flowers.” We brought her with us to the courthouse, and she took many pictures, which will be cherished.
The problem started after the courthouse ceremony when she insisted we go celebrate. Although we had made other plans, we agreed.
Well, one bar turned into her taking charge, getting way too drunk, demanding we do this and that, and going to another place. We shut her down and returned to the hotel to eat the cake we didn’t ask for.
She drank more, was too drunk to drive, then passed out for six hours. When she finally came to, she was “so embarrassed” and left.
So, instead of the magical day (and night) we had planned, we fell asleep because we had early plans the next day.
Problem is, I cannot forgive her. I don’t even want to see her. How can I get past this?
— UNHAPPY BRIDE IN FLORIDA
DEAR BRIDE: OK, your sister has a drinking problem.
If this was the first time you noticed, I can understand why the situation became out of control. If it wasn’t, then “get past this” by recognizing your part in what happened.
After the ceremony, when your sister wanted to go “celebrate,” you and your husband should have told her that what she was proposing wasn’t what you had planned, and parted ways.
DEAR ABBY: I have had a friend for many years. We’re from the same hometown and enjoyed getting together weekly for Saturday morning breakfasts and long chats about our highlights and sometimes our lows.
We considered each other best friends.
Several years ago, she found a boyfriend (also a retired person), and since then, she no longer makes time for our get-togethers.
It has been two years since she could make it for a meal or a glass of wine or a quick drop-by chat. Now when we do talk on the phone, it’s limited to a “How are you? I am fine” kind of conversation.
Although I continue sending cards and dropping off a holiday gift like we used to, there’s barely any acknowledgment.
I no longer feel inclined to keep up one-sided, frustrating phone contacts.
Must I just let it all go, fade into the distance and be satisfied that this has run its course?
— LEFT BEHIND IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR LEFT BEHIND: Your friend’s life has moved in a different direction. Because she is now devoting her energy to the relationship she has with her boyfriend, the answer to your question is yes.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
